Secrets...

For a while I wasn't in the right frame of mind to write my blog because of all the troubles I was having, mainly finding out officially Hubby and I weren't going to be able have children.  I haven't suddenly got over this fact because it's pretty major and we were and still are devastated about it but I'm getting back to my old self, getting on with life and my inspiration and motivation have returned.  So I've been able to get back to blogging which makes me happy.  I really enjoy writing on my blog and I enjoy reading other peoples.  There's a whole big community of bloggers and social networkers out there and I love it.  It's a great place for support and I've made some lovely, very good friends through it.  It's kind of weird as I feel I have this whole other secret life, an alter ego, @mrsdiggerhound (that's how you'll find me on twitter) who is a secret blogger!

Yep it's true, I am a secret blogger, none of my friends know I have a blog! The only people who do know are my parents, Hubby and his P.A at work the lovely Claire.  I suspect one of my friends may know as she follows me on Twitter but she's never said anything.  So why have I not told my friends?  I have some fabulous friends who I've known for many years, some are more like sisters to me but I suppose I feel shy about showing them my blog.  I also kind of like the fact it's a great outlet for me to get some of my troubles off my chest and I like the fact I can do this without everyone in my own 'personal' world knowing.  That may sound a bit strange so I'll give an example.  When talking about going through the heartache of not being able to have children I find it easier to write down my feelings then talk about it with people.  Hubby and I talk about it and I have discussed it with friends but I don't really let my feelings show and I kind of say the facts but I never really elaborate or open up that much.   I just find it easier that way. Some of my friends, will see beyond that facade but they never push me. They know I am devastated but when I talk to people and friends I always try and look at the bright side and just breeze over the subject.  I have had a big chat with one of my dearest friends, which was really good. She is someone I have known all my life.  It was good to talk to her because she knows me so well.  But when I feel really sad, I generally prefer not to talk (except to Hubby), it's a pretty awkward subject, what can people say there's no easy answers or solutions.  My friends I'm sure would kill me if they thought I was bottling things up and hiding things but that's me.  If I talk to them about it I don't want to break down and there's a serious risk of that happening (although those moments are getting far less frequent) and I'm a bit of an awkward person and I'm not comfortable with that.  I'm just an awkward bunny.  

Ok, well I digress, that wasn't actually what I was planning to write in this post but that's what has come out.  What I was suppose to be writing about is something that I have recently become aware of.  I started my blog initially as a place to talk about life with MS but also life in general and any adventures that I might be lucky enough to go on but in recent months MS had not featured much in my blog apart from the sporadic post about it. I follow some blogs which are on the Carnival of MS bloggers who have many posts about MS etc.  Through Twitter I can see when there is a new post.  I keep seeing posts that are being published on blogs about their, dare I say it 'journey' actually lets say 'experience' of MS and it made me realise that I haven't got that much to say about it at the moment.  In recent months MS has thankfully featured minimally in my posts and also minimally in my life  This is a good thing as it means I am very lucky and my MS is for the time being, under control which means it's something that I have pushed to the back of my mind.  You can never forget that you have MS as there are little troubles or symptoms that you have even when you are well just to remind you you have it and it's not leaving any time soon but these are easy to live with symptoms (well they are for me at the moment).  So after starting a blog it's interesting to see how it is evolving.  I started it for one reason but actually there are many more reasons I am doing it now.  But that's life, it evolves and changes and we adapt.  Through blogging and Twitter I have been introduced and discovered lots of new things which influences what I do on my blog.  

It's carers week, from the 18th to the 24th of June and my very dear friend and fellow blogger Donna Trinder recently did a great post for the MS Society about the changing role of her husband and him becoming her carer, so please click on the link to check it out, In sickness and in health