Back to blogging and Etsy shop love.

Oh my it has been forever since I have actually blogged, I have completely neglected my blog for the best part of this year. Why? Well I have been dabbling with You Tube and just not been in the right mood for it. Things are all changing now though. Although, if I'm honest I have said this many a time, 'right, now I'm going to make an effort and blog more, blah blah blah'.

A little introduction to me. First ever Vlog!

It's my 3rd Bloggaversary!!!!!

Wow today is 3 years since the start of The Tales of Me!

Blogging from A to z, M is for Mother

We're on to week 3 of the A to Z challenge. How is everyone finding it?  It definitely is a challenge eh!

Well today, M is for Mother.  Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful Mother but I have been and I will be eternally grateful for that.  Mother's are precious things and we should always treasure them.  I have the most wonderful Mum.  Yes she drives me mad at times, as her I'm sure especially when I was younger, but she is the best mother I could ever wish for.  She will do anything for me and both my parents have always been 100% supportive.  It's got to be said she has always spoilt me.  I've never acted like a spoilt brat (least I don't think so) but I have definitely been spoilt at times.  Not through lots of material things although I've never really gone with out. More for the things my Mum (and Dad) have done and do for me.  My parents live with us and even now she spoils me with the things she does, if she thinks I am tired or warn out, or when my Multiple Sclerosis (MS) plays up (thankfully not much at all since starting my medication), she is there in an instant to help.  She would sacrifice anything for me, so I could be happy.  MS, another word for M.  As an innocent little girl, I would never have never expected to grow up and be diagnosed with a chronic disease!

Here's a picture from our wedding of my lovely Mum:

Where it all began

This Wednesday will be my 2nd Blogiversary!  Can you believe it two years of blogging.  Over the next few days I'm going back to the beginning of The Tales of Me and revisiting some of my old posts that some of you may not of read.  Make sure you stop by on Wednesday 13th, I'm going to be doing my first ever blog giveaway!  

Lucky lady

Today is my first post in a couple of weeks, that's bad.  Have got things lined up but not had a chance to complete them.  Any hoo, it's been a good day, it was my annual review with my MS consultant and all went well. I was literally in there for about 5 minutes, a case of  'how are you doing, well. Ok lovely, see you in a year' She's really pleased, as am I, how well things are going.  Need to get my blood test results next week which are to check I am not producing antibodies against the Avonex but since I have had no relapses or major problems, it would suggest I'm not.  It's funny that I started my blog after I was diagnosed with MS as a place to work through things and hopefully help people by sharing my experiences but now posts about MS related things rarely feature.  This is a good thing, well actually a fantastic thing.  It means I have been very lucky or blessed, well whatever you want to call it, things have been good and my MS has been under control.

My 10 essentials

Hi Guys,

I've been a bit quiet on the blog and social network front the last couple of weeks, I've been in a bit of a funny old mood so not felt like being on my computer etc but my lovely friend Donna Trinder tagged me in her recent post 'My ten essentials', on her fabulous blog Lost and Found .  You can read the 10 things she just couldn't do without on there.  Thanks Donna, I needed something/one to kick my blogging ass into gear and bring me out of my grumpy mood ;0)

So what 10 things do I feel I couldn't live without? Well lets see...

My 10 essentials

1) Ok I'm sorry but I'm going to copy this answer from Donna, Anne who was also tagged in this challenge and Amanda from a Diary of a mummy misfit who originally tagged Donna.

Secrets...

For a while I wasn't in the right frame of mind to write my blog because of all the troubles I was having, mainly finding out officially Hubby and I weren't going to be able have children.  I haven't suddenly got over this fact because it's pretty major and we were and still are devastated about it but I'm getting back to my old self, getting on with life and my inspiration and motivation have returned.  So I've been able to get back to blogging which makes me happy.  I really enjoy writing on my blog and I enjoy reading other peoples.  There's a whole big community of bloggers and social networkers out there and I love it.  It's a great place for support and I've made some lovely, very good friends through it.  It's kind of weird as I feel I have this whole other secret life, an alter ego, @mrsdiggerhound (that's how you'll find me on twitter) who is a secret blogger!

Yep it's true, I am a secret blogger, none of my friends know I have a blog! The only people who do know are my parents, Hubby and his P.A at work the lovely Claire.  I suspect one of my friends may know as she follows me on Twitter but she's never said anything.  So why have I not told my friends?  I have some fabulous friends who I've known for many years, some are more like sisters to me but I suppose I feel shy about showing them my blog.  I also kind of like the fact it's a great outlet for me to get some of my troubles off my chest and I like the fact I can do this without everyone in my own 'personal' world knowing.  That may sound a bit strange so I'll give an example.  When talking about going through the heartache of not being able to have children I find it easier to write down my feelings then talk about it with people.  Hubby and I talk about it and I have discussed it with friends but I don't really let my feelings show and I kind of say the facts but I never really elaborate or open up that much.   I just find it easier that way. Some of my friends, will see beyond that facade but they never push me. They know I am devastated but when I talk to people and friends I always try and look at the bright side and just breeze over the subject.  I have had a big chat with one of my dearest friends, which was really good. She is someone I have known all my life.  It was good to talk to her because she knows me so well.  But when I feel really sad, I generally prefer not to talk (except to Hubby), it's a pretty awkward subject, what can people say there's no easy answers or solutions.  My friends I'm sure would kill me if they thought I was bottling things up and hiding things but that's me.  If I talk to them about it I don't want to break down and there's a serious risk of that happening (although those moments are getting far less frequent) and I'm a bit of an awkward person and I'm not comfortable with that.  I'm just an awkward bunny.  

Ok, well I digress, that wasn't actually what I was planning to write in this post but that's what has come out.  What I was suppose to be writing about is something that I have recently become aware of.  I started my blog initially as a place to talk about life with MS but also life in general and any adventures that I might be lucky enough to go on but in recent months MS had not featured much in my blog apart from the sporadic post about it. I follow some blogs which are on the Carnival of MS bloggers who have many posts about MS etc.  Through Twitter I can see when there is a new post.  I keep seeing posts that are being published on blogs about their, dare I say it 'journey' actually lets say 'experience' of MS and it made me realise that I haven't got that much to say about it at the moment.  In recent months MS has thankfully featured minimally in my posts and also minimally in my life  This is a good thing as it means I am very lucky and my MS is for the time being, under control which means it's something that I have pushed to the back of my mind.  You can never forget that you have MS as there are little troubles or symptoms that you have even when you are well just to remind you you have it and it's not leaving any time soon but these are easy to live with symptoms (well they are for me at the moment).  So after starting a blog it's interesting to see how it is evolving.  I started it for one reason but actually there are many more reasons I am doing it now.  But that's life, it evolves and changes and we adapt.  Through blogging and Twitter I have been introduced and discovered lots of new things which influences what I do on my blog.  

It's carers week, from the 18th to the 24th of June and my very dear friend and fellow blogger Donna Trinder recently did a great post for the MS Society about the changing role of her husband and him becoming her carer, so please click on the link to check it out, In sickness and in health

To give or not to give?

Today was my local MS branch Flag day, which meant numerous volunteers were dotted all round Croydon, Purley and Croydon in the hope to create awareness of the MS Society and to raise some dosh.

 Image taken from the Croydon MS Society Branch Website

 I spent a couple of hours collecting for them last year and I did say never again because as much as I am happy to volunteer and help with things, I just felt uncomfortable collecting money in that way, not that I disagree with it. When one of the ladies who organises things called me up and asked if I would do it again, I just couldn't say no. What's a couple hours of feeling awkward in the aid of raising money for a fantastic cause.  So bright and early at 9 this morning Spike and I went to Coulsdon High Street to collect money.  I was a bit concerned at first because it was pretty quiet but as things got busier the donations came in.  I was very pleased that the residents of Coulsdon were a generous bunch. So a VERY big

It's interesting watching people go by when your collecting for a charity, people kind of react to you in the sane way but there's different types of people. You get - 

Type a, the person who purposely avoids looking at you.

Type b, the person who is just busy or rushing on by so genuinely don't see you.

Type c, the person who has no cash on them and smile apologetically whilst patting there pockets.

Type d, the person who goes out of their way to come over and donate their change.

Type e, the person who kind of feel obliged as they walk by.

Now none of these people are wrong (especially those donating) it's just interesting observing them.  The reason I dislike standing and collecting money is because I think people get fed up of seeing volunteers hanging around high streets and shops asking for donations.  Actually I think it has a lot to do with the numerous people you can encounter all along your local high street, hoping for your bank details for regular payments to a charity. these people get paid and Hubby has informed me they are known as 'chuggers' or less kindly as 'charity muggers'.

I know how annoying it is as frequently in Sutton High Street near where I work there are several people strategically place along the high street asking for you to sing up for regular donations etc.  The picture above is a bit extreme but it can feel like that, don't you think?  It's a shame because I know a lot of these are working for very good causes but it can all get a bit much.  Personally I find the chuggers irritating and I avoid them but if I see someone quietly standing quietly with a collection box, I am more likely to donate some money.  Although I have been caught by one of the chuggers before and I felt pressured into supplying my details.  On reflection although it was a worthy charity, there are other charities I would rather support hence I cancelled the direct debit   At the time I would happily of donated some money as a one off but I didn't actually want to get caught up with regular donations but felt obliged to.  Maybe that's my issue and not the charity worker.  We can't all support with money every charity going can we.  When I googled the word 'chuggers' lots of things came up but follow the link to a recent article in The Independant.

 I enjoyed it a little more this year because I chatted to some lovely people and several of the people donated because they knew someone with MS.  A few people came over mainly to say hello to Spike and one man said I was very shrewd to bring my dog along to capture peoples attention.  That wasn't my plan, honestly, he was there to keep me company...  

I said this last year but I'm not sure if I will do it next year, I will try and volunteer for something else instead but if they need me to do it I shall of course.  One of these years I shall get my butt into gear and do something for National MS week but this year my mind was on other more personal issues, but there's always next year.

Before I go, it would be good to hear your opinions of people collecting money for charity and chuggers.  Is there certain charities you choose to donate too? Do you avoid chuggers?  Have you collected money yourself, what was your experience like?

I had to do it, I had to jinx myself!

Well before I start on what I want to talk about today I want to say Happy Mother's day to my wonderful Mother.  She really is the best and I am sincerely grateful for all the help and support she gives me.  Two and a half weeks ago she had a knee replacement, initially she had a tough time but is now recovering well. It will be so good to see her being able to walk better and not be in as much pain as she was before the op.  Below is a  picture of my lovely Mum.

Ok so down to business, as the title of today's blog suggests I've gone and jinxed myself.  MS has reared its ugly head.  That'll teach me for bragging how well things have been.  I was beginning to forget about MS but it seems it felt it was time to remind me its still there and hasn't really left me.  Of course I know I haven't really jinxed myself.  It'all rather annoying but I should be grateful that this is the first problems I have had in a year and it appears to be nothing too serious.  I have pins and needles from my head to my toes, literally down my whole left side.  I'm soooo grateful it's not my right side being right-handed and all that.  I spoke to my MS nurse, which made me laugh because I'd already done everything she wanted me to do.  She said I was such an easy patient!  Think my symptoms may have been triggered by a urine infection so having a course of antibiotics and if things haven't settled down after that got to give her a call back.  I only saw her for my review on the 9th March and I told her how well things were going and apart from my small residual problems that are always there, I'd had no major symptoms.  Spoke all to soon.  Well I'm pretty sure it will all be back to normal in a week or two.  I did get the old anxiety gremlins going but I have managed to calm them all down again. It just scared me because I didn't want to have to take any time off sick, but it looks like I'll be able to manage with the symptoms I'm having. It was all just a bit unexpected which I know sounds silly as I have MS and this is the nature of it.  I have relapse remitting MS but I was kind of hoping that I would experience more of the remitting than the relapsing.  C'est la vie.  Well, one blip in just over a year is not bad at all and hopefully it is just a blip triggered by an infection.  Hubby wasn't too happy with me as I was suppose to have contacted my GP to organise some new tablets because it appears I am not emptying my bladder completely which puts you at risk of developing urine infections.  Oops, I hadn't got round to sorting new medication out and look what's happened.  I shall sort it all out tomorrow though.

Well hope all the Mothers out there have had lovely Mother's Day and if you're not a mother hope you spoilt yours.

All Tickety Boo!

Yesterday I had my what should of been 3m review with my MS nurse yesterday but it's actually been just under 6m since I last saw her.  I am extremely pleased to report that all my blood tests were normal and apart from that nothing else exciting to report.  So that can only be good. Things are ticking along very nicely indeed on Avonex.  I still take about 2 to 3 lots of painkillers the day of injection to manage some achy joints but effects are minimal.  Although I am get pretty tired that afternoon/evening after work and could quite easily fall asleep on the sofa.  It definitely works well for me having the injection first thing in the morning before going to work as being at work takes my mind off things (obviously this is possible because effects are minimal).  As I said being at work takes my mind off things and I often forget for at least a few hours that I have had my injection.  I see patients up until 12:15 and its only after that time that I usually suddenly think 'oh yeah had my jab today, that's why I'm feeling a little achy now'.  I then take another lot of paracetamol or ibuprofen and carry on with my afternoon which very luckily for me finishes at half 3 and I can head off home to start my weekend.  Woo hoo! Alright for some eh!  Towards the end of the month it will be a year on Avonex and it's so wonderful that the reactions from having it are settling and its keeping my arch enemy, the villainous MS at bay.  I tell you what one injection a week is a small price to pay to keep my health on the straight and narrow.  This leads me to the fact I often feel like a fraud.  I am very grateful things are well under control and MS isn't having any major impact on my life any more.  If you took a look at me you would never guess I had a 'chronic disease', I have not been left with any disability post relapses.  My jaunt with MS has so far been I suppose fairly straight forward.  I first had problems in 2006, had tests done, knew that MS was a possibility.  I happily plodded along until 2010 when I had my first relapse, recovered, 6m later another relapse, recovered , 6m later another relapse, again recovered and then started on DMD's.  Other people are left in limbo for many years or have to fight to have drugs to help with their MS.  Thankfully for me I wasn't left in limbo and I didn't have to fight to be put on DMD's.  Saying that it has been a struggle at times and far from easy, I'm just lucky I have made it through the bad times unscathed.  Unless I have to really admit defeat I'm not the sort of person who will let MS get the better of me.  For example during a relapse back in June 2010 which was affecting my speach and balance I went on a 'wilder' camping trip with Hubby and Spike.  It was an official campsite but we stayed under the stars in our hammocks with a tarp over our heads in the woodland near the campsite.  Never mind the fact I was in the middle of a relapse and when walking had to stop walking every so often because I could feel my co-ordination and balance going.  I wasn't going to let a little thing like that stop me from going on holiday and enjoying myself! No siree! It helped that Hubby does all of the hard work and keeps me safe.  Here are some pics of our trip and where we were camping.  In fact if you want to see more click on the photo on my sidebar called ' Camping at Lone Wolf in Wales'.

So I hope things will continue to be all tickety boo for a long time and I continue to evade that notorious villain, MS!  

Count your blessings

In life it is all to easy to focus on the the negative things and over look the positive.    How many of us take a moment or two to count our blessings and look at the happy and good things in our lives?  Well I'm taking a moment to count my blessings...

On the 1st of November 2008, the weather was awful, the rain hammering down all day long.  But that didn't spoil a wonderful day, the day I married Pete.  It was a fantastic day we shared with wonderful friends and family.  Pete is most definitely one of the blessings in my life.  I feel we complement each other,  when I get anxious or stressed out Pete is there to calm me down, when he is ready to give up on something I am there to push him further.  There are lots of corny words to describe how I feel about Pete, but I'm not really a corny person so I'll stick with, he's my best friend.  Pete introduced me to a person inside me who before him, I never knew was there. He has brought out the adventurer in me.  Until Pete, I never realised how much I loved the great outdoors, camping and exploring, although looking back as a child as much as I loved girly things I was a tomboy and loved exploring and imagining I was on great adventures.  Then like many people I grew up, started working and forgot that girl was inside of me.  Pete re-awakened the great adventurer in me (possibly because he has never truly grown up).

Picture number two is of my amazing parents or as we often refer to them "The Olds".  I have been truly blessed with my parents.  Throughout my life they have always been there for me and 100%  supportive, through school, university and now with MS. The day I was diagnosed with MS it broke their hearts, but they are so happy that things seem to be well controlled and that so far it hasn't affected my life as badly as they feared.   They, as are Pete and I, are hoping that now I'm on Avonex that's the way things will stay for a good long while.

The third little blessing I want to talk about is Spike my gorgeous dog.  Now others may find this a little bit sad and not in a wipe a tear from my eye sad but, he is part of our family.  In his own little way he has been a great help to me since my diagnosis, from cuddles which are so comforting when your down to warming my feet up when they feel like two ice blocks.  They say dogs are mans best friend and I couldn't agree more.  Spike has been the best and has a brought much happiness into our house and lives.  

For number four, I couldn't fit in a picture of all the friends that mean so much to me so it's just that one simple word, friends. I am extremely blessed to have lots of wonderful friends.  Some I see often, some I see once in a blue moon but they all have a special place in my heart and I know will always be there for me.  One of my dear friends, Donna, an aspiring writer who also has her own blog, recently wrote a wonderful post about the different types of friendships we experience throughout our lives, when you read it I am sure you will be able to relate friendships in your lives to it.   I have some wonderful friends, some who I have know since I was a child and some I have met in the last few years but all my friends now I hope are lifetime friends.  A link for Donna's blog is at the end.

Picture number  five is of a nurse, well a nurse troll but you get the idea.  Nursing has been a blessing to me for a number of reasons.  Through nursing I have met some wonderful people many of whom are still great friends of mine.  Having knowledge isn't always a good thing but the knowledge and experience I have gained from nursing has helped cope and deal with being diagnosed with MS although at times it has added to the stress of having an overactive imagination.  Being a nurse helped me to make sure my cherished Nan was well cared for in the last days of her life.  Sadly I wasn't happy with the care she was receiving in the hospital she was in and because she had a heart complaint , I used my connections to get her transferred to the hospital I was working at.  Sadly she died only a few days after she was transferred but at least I know in the end she was well cared for, in fact one of my very good friends was looking after her the night she died. 

So there are the five blessings I wanted to discuss with you but I can think of more.  So what I want to ask you guys is take some time out to count your blessings, it would be lovely to here some of your blessings, even just the one.

  

http://donna-lostandfound.blogspot.com/

     

Merry Christmas

I'm having a very lazy Boxing day, sitting on the sofa, still in my PJ's  watching rubbish on the TV.  Already eaten far too much and got a few more days of celebrations and people to see, oh dear I shall be ignoring any weighing scales for a while.  Well,  I have had a wonderful Christmas.  Had a perfect Christmas day with Hubby, Spike and The Olds (a playful term we use for my parents).  I woke up feeling very happy and that wasn't just Christmas excitement (although yes I am still a big kid).  I was very happy as the last two years I have not been well because of  relapses.  Historically my relapses have followed a pattern which I am so happy has been broken!!!!!!

I know we shouldn't waste time worrying about these things but if I am honest I have been secretly anxious about having a relapse over Christmas, I tried to push these worries to the far depths of my mind and keep them locked away but there were times they manage to get loose and bother me. Last year when I finished work for Christmas I didn't go back to work for around 2 months because my life time buddy, actually, arch enemy is more appropriate, MS decided it would be a good to pay a visit.  Well it's never been welcome and it never seemed to be aware of when it had outstayed it's welcome so I am so very happy that this Christmas it skipped it's visit. and I feel well and happy all be it slightly over stuffed with a variety of Christmas goodies.

Koumpounophobia (Ahhh it's a button!)

Well once again it's been far too long since I've updated my blog.  Since I last updated I have discovered I have a button phobia.   Well actually  it's not really a button phobia more of a phobia of pressing buttons, such as the one on my Avonex pen. I shouldn't joke really, I know two people who have Koumponophobia (phobia of pressing buttons), phobias are distressing so apologies to anyone with a button phobia. So I was being a little over dramatic saying I had a button pressing phobia.  but I definitely have issues with pressing that damn button on my Avonex Pen!  Why I don't know.  I now have a new Avonex device the Avonex Pen.  It's a pretty nifty device.  Great for people who hate needles because once you've attached the  needle it's completely covered so you don't need to look at it.  It uses an orange needle which is normally used for injections under the skin but because of the way the device works it doesn't need the longer blue needle.  It does make quite a loud clicking noise which I find makes me jump or certainly did the first few times I used it.  I say when I used it, but apart from the first time I used it when the Avonex nurse came over to show me the new pen and I managed to do it myself and the time after that when unfortunately it didn't go as well and  I cocked it all up, Hubby has had to do it for me!

Have I really been off work for 9 weeks?

So, I'm back home from my first day back at work in 9 weeks and I tell you what, it feels like I never left. As I drove into work I was feeling quite nervy but underneath those nerves there were a few excitement butterflies fluttering around at the thought that I was going back to work and things were getting back to normal (well as normal as I ever was).  It took me the time to walk through the patients waiting room on my way to the Treatment Room where I work, for those 9 weeks to be forgotten.  As I was walking in I saw one of my diabetic gentlemen who quickly came to have a word about his medication, at this point I hadn't even taken my jacket off but I felt most of my worries and anxieties start to fade along with those nine weeks.  In a matter of minutes it felt like I'd never been off work at all.

A great way to start the year

I feel like my year in someways is only just beginning. I seemed to have completely missed January and February going by. This is due to the fact I  have spent the first part of 2011 going through another delightful relapse, Happy new Year to me.  It started the week before Christmas with some rather odd symptoms which I am putting down to the MS but who's to know.  I say it all started a week before Christmas but in hind sight I was struggling for the best part of December with fatigue and I hadn't really recognised it. I just had no oomph and there were quite a few evenings I would sit and think, I could really do with a day off tomorrow because I just don't feel quite right.  We were pretty hectic at work so I just soldiered on as you do.  One night during the week before Christmas I had a really restless night due to a strange pain in my right arm. It was the sort of pain you can get after having an injection and my arm was really itchy. In the morning I really expected to see I had a rash on my arm, but everything looked normal, it was ever so bizarre. My arm was still a little sore but that eased by the end of the day.

Oh no not again

So things were pretty good, Hubby and I were planing our summer holiday, a weeks camping in Wales with the dog.  Not everyones  idea of a nice holiday but it's the sort of thing we love . A few weeks before the holiday (that would take us to the middle of May 2010) I kept feeling like I was tripping over my words. I mentioned it to my friend at work and she said she hadn't noticed anything.  I though it was me being paranoid so tried to put it to the back of my head. About a week or so later I started to have a few problems with my walking. I would go off balance at times and would have to stop walking because my legs wouldn't work properly.  It also became apparent that my speech was definitely playing up which was the thing I feared most out of the symptoms I had experience so far. It's hard to describe (like most symptoms of MS), I would have moments where I was unable to get my words out and all I could manged was to say "hmmmm".  For this reason when they happened I would say once I felt ok, "just having a moment".  This was not good and was not a symptom I wanted to be experiencing again. The speech thing wasn't happening too frequently but if I got stressed or anxious it played up more. Somehow I manged to work, god only knows how since one of the main parts of my job involves talking to patients but when it happened I would just pretend I was looking at something on the patients records on the computer and then I'd start speaking again.

Hello, there nice to meet you (NOT!)

5 years went by before that mischief monster called MS reared its ugly head again. I'd like to say they were 5 blissful years of ignorance but that wouldn't be life would it?.  Not in reality, well unless your really lucky. Actually the past 5 years have had lots of stresses but more then that a lot of wonderful things have happened too and that's the important stuff, the stuff that makes the wonderful memories.

I left my Job at at the hospital after 7 years and moved on to pastures new. I got a job as a practice nurse in a GP surgery which was the best thing I could of done. I love my job, I still moan about getting up on a Monday morning and all the usual stuff but I work with a great team of nurses who I have become great friends with too.  The only down side to my new job was the terms for sick leave, there not half as good as when working for the hospital. Although both NHS, GP surgeries are run as small business I suppose, so they can't offer the same benefits a large NHS trust can. At the time I took the job  I  thought "that'll be alright, I'm fine, I really don't think I'll need much time off, I am rarely sick". But fate laughs evilly "mwah ha ha ha ha , you wait my pretty, just you wait......"

Where it all starts

 My story starts back in October 2005 when I developed problems with my balance, it felt like my head would be swaying inside rather then dizzy and is as if I was walking on cotton wool. The GP thought I may have labyrinthitis and gave me some a medication called stemetil to deal with what he thought was dizziness but it didn't help.  After about a week I thought I was feeling better so I returned to work and but I still kept getting this sensation like I was walking on cotton wool and plodding. I then felt like at times my speech wasn't right, at times I felt like I just couldn't form the words I wanted to say. Initially I thought I was imagining it but then it became more and more noticeable and my walking got worse and at times I was quite unbalanced and wobbly on my feet. When my manager at the time observed this she actually sent me home sick again.